Triggers – Wake up Calls from Life

The term “trigger” has made its way into the lexicon of popular psychology, generally referring to an event that was unwelcome or unwanted. “You triggered me when you ignored me this morning” “I was triggered by him coming up too close to me”.

In many instances this layering of seemingly aware psychology-speak is a way to mask passive aggression and a blaming, shaming, victim mentality. There is an implicit sense that the trigger is something that is “bad” that it shouldn’t have happened and the person doing the triggering is somehow at fault. Even if the actual term trigger is not used, this bias is still evident in phrases like “When he looked at me I felt creeped out” “People with loud voices really disturb me” with all of these examples there is an underlying sense of blame- we are essentially saying “This should not be happening” “This is wrong”.

So what’s wrong with this? Some people do affect us, rub us up the wrong way and what’s wrong with naming this, being aware of our reactions? Nothing at all- yet I’d like to suggest that this is simply part one in a process of engaging with life in a way that empowers us, that engages our creativity, our connection and our empathy. Simply naming a trigger is like starting out on a journey but only getting as far as packing the suitcase and not taking the next step out of the door- there is so much else that is possible, so much more available than simply getting in touch with our three year old “No- this shouldn’t be happening”

So what next? What can we do after becoming aware of the fact we experienced an event we didn’t like or want? I believe that all triggers are Lifes call to action for us- they point us in two directions- inside ourselves and outside.

By going inside and truly asking ourselves “what is going on for me?” we are likely to meet places that hold old wounding, past grief, residual unmet needs. The trigger may well remind you of a previous experience you had and never fully processed. The trigger is saying- look at this place in you, it is calling for your attention. Can you now be with yourself in your pain without needing to divert your focus externally? Can you touch into the truth of your suffering with kindness, with compassion? Can you finally not abandon yourself? Granted this work is not easy but it’s so worth it. To be able to acknowledge your past suffering without running away, reaching for the chocolate, the drink, the drugs, the TV, or Facebook is act of the greatest courage and liberation. It literally rewires your nervous system and creates new neural pathways that were not available before. By this simple and tremendous act you are stepping from victimhood to empowerment, from separation to connection and from a “no” to life, to a grateful “yes.”

Once we have engaged internally we are then more equipped to respond externally. If we have encountered and met with places in us that suffered from abuse, neglect and other painful situations then the movement outwards would be an opportunity for us to stand firmly in our boundaries; to say “no” to any further sign of disrespect or boundary violation. If we were able to be with our vulnerabilities and sadness then our outward movement may be to show these aspects of our self instead of our usual strength and competence. In short the outward movement would be the expression of our new capacity to look after ourselves as well as an exploration of emerging aspects of ourselves; we would be claiming more of our potential to be vital, empowered, caring human beings.

My understanding of this way of seeing triggers comes directly from a man called Bradford Brown who was one of my greatest teachers. Brad studied under some of the most influential names in psychology of our recent time-Carl Rogers, Viktor Frankl and Alan Watts; he created a transformational foundation called More to Life of which I was an active student for over 15 years.

The foundation was underpinned by weekend trainings which reached out to thousands of people around the world. Many tools for self discovery and empowerment were taught over the course of the weekend however the core foundation of the work rested on the belief that every event we experience in our life is an opportunity for growth and learning. Another way of saying this is that every single trigger we encounter is a wake-up call for us. A call to action delivered by Life to point us towards areas that we can grow in.

This one belief has been like a powerful rudder that has safely steered me through many extremely challenging events in my life and continues to open me up to more possibilities and aspects of myself. It is the movement from saying this event/person shouldn’t be acting as they are and being cloaked in anger, self-righteousness, blame and victimhood towards seeing every event – even those we truly think shouldn’t happen- as being a benevolent wake-up call from Life to live with more compassion, integrity and joy.

So this is my invitation to you- next time you find yourself reacting to something or someone with irritation, anger or disappointment, see if you can slow down, turn inwards and see what possible invitation life might be sending you in that very moment. This could possibly be the most outrageous act of self-love you have ever performed and also an opportunity to engage with your life in a way that opens up untold possibilities for expansion and connection. Einstein famously said:
“There are only two ways to live your life:
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

Which one will you choose?